Detour Ahead

"You search out my path... "Psalm 139:3 ESV

 A year ago (September 29, 2023) was a day that changed my life. It was the day I was told I have autism. My life did not "change," per se," I still have the same job I was holding a year ago. I still have my same supportive circle of friends and family. I still face the same challenges to understand nonverbal communication, nuances, situational awareness, social " norms," and anything new that is expected of me. 

Even so, these 12 months have been full of change, progress, and growth in ways I never expected. For example, I have learned how to advocate for myself when I need more time or more detailed information to understand and complete a task. I have also found more ways to explain how my mind maps out information and procedure. My diagnosis changed my life because it has allowed me to come to terms with my normal and to face my challenges with even more determination.

One of my common challenges is problem solving on demand. Frequently, you will notice that my way to complete a task or solve a problem seems to create other problems in the run-around. At the very least, my way might seem unconventional or inefficient. You may scratch your head as you watch me because to you, an easier way is obvious. Please allow me to explain...

Have you ever been in a neighborhood where there was road work happening? You see a barricade with a sign that says "Road closed to through traffic." The implication is that if you live on the street, you are allowed to go through the barricade. If you are not a resident on that street, you cannot go straight through to the end of the block. You have to wind your way around some other streets and eventually you will end up where you need to be.

Welcome to my brain! My brain is frequently "rerouting" or "recomputing." Anytime I must take the "road less traveled," it is not only a longer rout to get there, but it also requires me to slow down and "study" the way so I won't have to backtrack later.. This leaves me feeing muddled and overwhelmed. As often as not, it is okay for my brain to find its own way around; but other times, efficiency is both expected and important.

This is where friends, family, and coworkers can be helpful. Since they are "residents" on the "through street" and have easy access to the other end of the block, they can stop me mid-stride of they notice I am lost in a detour. They can invite me to their place and give me special access to their street so I can  approach the problem from a better starting point.

As I frequently find myself in "uncharted territory," it is easy to become discouraged. It is easy and tempting to wallow in self-pity when I feel isolated from a conventional normal. But it is comforting that God is familiar with my path. My Good Shepherd is walking with me and will ultimately "lead me in the way everlasting." So for now, I will try to find some joy in every detour I take.


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