Created for Eternity

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11

“And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness…” - Genesis 1:26

When I was diagnosed as an adult with autism in September 2023, my neuropsychologist noted that I am primarily challenged by processing speed. I lack automaticity and intuition in my responses to new information. There is a bit of “lag time” between my hearing or seeing something and my formulating the appropriate response. Following are just a few examples of how processing speed challenges me.

In a conversation, I tend to track what someone has JUST said, so I am always mentally scrambling to appropriately connect all the information I hear. I might nod and say I heard you, but two minutes later I might ask you to repeat what you just said. This might convey that I was just not paying enough attention the first time, but that is not actually the case.

Situational awareness - nonverbal communication, facial expressions, body language, and general awareness of what is taking place around me, will often be overlooked.  This is because I process what I hear faster and more accurately than what I see. I might stare and “freeze” while I try to figure out what is going on and whether someone expects me to respond. I am not uninterested in helping - I just don’t instinctively know how.

Mastering new skills, and completing tasks can take me up to three times longer than other people. (To put it in perspective, one test scored me in the third percentile for processing speed. Yes - 97 people would complete that task before me. Other tests yielded similar results). Even when a task becomes routine and familiar,  my eye-hand coordination and fine motor skills are noticeably slower than many people. This is especially frustrating when I am working alongside other people or when I am in a time crunch.

It is almost as if (as I remarked to a close friend) I function best outside the constraints/bounds of time. I am task oriented - I can finish the job - but I am not time oriented.

This concept resonated with me when it occurred to me that I am created by the Eternal God - a God who functions outside the constraints/bounds of time. I was made for eternity.  God designed me to reflect the concept of his eternal nature - to bear his image.  He did not “mess up” the “normal” design. He used a different design altogether because God loves variety! (Think, for example, of all the shades of green you can see in any direction in the open countryside). “Variety is the spice of life.” Why should I expect my normal to look the same as someone else’s? Truth be told, God does not make clones. Everyone is uniquely designed.

I have spent many years struggling to live within the constraints of time, trying to “keep up - to meet others’ expectation of “normal.” But after some consideration, I like to think that God takes pleasure in the way I reflect his image.