Wonderfully Complex

 “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous -how well I know it.” ~ Psalm 139:14 NLT

I sat across from the neuropsychologist on September 29, 2023, trying to wrap my head around what I had just heard. “You have autism. On the spectrum you probably fall in the range of moderate function, simply based on how much your challenges affect you.” 

I knew there were some specific ways I was noticeably not on par with my peers. I knew I was socially awkward. I knew I always felt like a square peg in a round hole, so to speak - like I did not quite fit everyone else’s normal; but… autism????? 

The “diagnosis” was not referring to a disease that had suddenly developed. It referred to innate, lifelong challenges that presented themselves because certain parts of my brain are circuited differently. It wasn’t an “accident.” It was not “brain damage.” My brain simply mapped out information differently as I developed. It was nobody’s “fault.” It was not “preventative. It was simply the way things were. I am designed and created “wonderfully complex” - something I can appreciate instead of resent.

I dared to ask the question that was nagging at me. “Why did previous assessments not detect the autism? The neuropsychologist explained that previous assessments had focused on IQ and a few academic skills to check for intellectual/learning disabilities. The assessments I underwent in September 2023 were more encompassing and detected patterns in the way I PROCESS, to understand new information or master a new skill. Although the tests back then noted some anomalies in my “fluency functions” (reading, writing, and visuomotor skills), there was no definitive diagnosis available from the IQ testing. No further tests were pursued at the time. This was simply my “normal.”

Where do scientists draw the line between average/typical and non-typical? between “normal” and “abnormal?”   Society would call me “neurodivergent.” I am not “typical.” I am not “normal.” But what I experience  in my life IS my “normal.” My “normal” does not look like your “normal;” but instead of of viewing my “normal” as messed up, what if you could see “normal” as a spectrum? What if we are different points on the same scale. Where we fall on the scale is not ”wrong” or “right,” or “bad” or “good - it’s just “our place.”

Because my diagnosis was something I received recently, as an adult, I am beginning to learn about myself and unpack the complexity of the way God designed me. I invite my readers to walk with me and become oriented to my day to day challenges and my strengths. Welcome to MY normal.